18 weeks, and death.

Today, I'm 18 weeks pregnant. My hair looks so disheveled and I have hardly any makeup on because I. feel. like. death.

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of this pregnancy. Sundays are particularly hard for me when I'm not able to make it to church. I keep hoping and praying that I'll feel well enough to make it to church, and when I don't, I cry like a baby.

It didn't help that I've been extra worn out. Alex has been really sick, and I was doing everything I could to take care of him, as well as taking care of Carson all on my own. Sleep still hasn't been going well, so I've been really really exhausted.

Anyway, yesterday, I was utterly exhausted. I could tell my body was fighting to not get what Alex had. And on top of that, I felt so super nauseous. As the day progressed, I kept getting dizzier and dizzier. I did the best I could to eat what I could, but ugh, I just felt awful. I was hot, but cold, but had no fever. Thank goodness, Alex (aka my knight in shining armor) took amazing care of me and Carson all day.

So the awful nausea and dizziness kept progressing, until I finally threw up. Note to self: don't eat Chinese ever ever ever again. I felt a little better after that, but I had the hardest time sleeping last night because of how nauseous and dizzy I still was.

And today, I still feel so icky. Aren't I miss positivity today?! I had an 18 week check-up today, and my doctor isn't too concerned - except he says to call if I start throwing up again and he'll get me on a medicine. I'm measuring good, and when Dr. Pollnow was trying to get the baby's heartbeat, he had a hard time finding it for a while because the baby was so active!

Starting last week (17 weeks) was when I was really certain that I was feeling the baby moving. This little one is the most active during the night, especially early early in the morning. What this little one really loves doing is clumping up in one area of my uterus and just staying like that! My stomach will get so hard in that one spot wherever the baby is! It's actually kind of painful! Haha, but it's also slightly adorable.

At 18 weeks, the baby is apparently a lot more mobile - yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, and sucking. And he or she is the size of a sweet potato!

As for cravings... Well, when I feel not too nauseous, I've been craving tomato soup with crushed up saltines and a grilled cheese. I swear I have that for most meals! I've also been really into snacking on grapes and pistachios. SO tasty together.

Overall, I feel like my emotions have leveled out a bit, although maybe you should really be asking Alex about that! But really, I do feel more emotionally sane. Except when I have days like yesterday and today where I just feel so utterly icky. Is it pathetic that at 25, I still call my mommy sobbing like a baby when I feel terrible?

Ha. Okay. I'm going to go crawl in a hole now. Oh, but on the upside, only a couple more weeks until we find out if it's a boy or girl! I'm still pretty convinced it's a boy!