27 weeks

As a result of packing, moving, cleaning, and organizing, I haven't been the best at taking baby bump pictures. However, I did manage to get a couple pictures taken last Friday (the 26th) when I was 27 weeks.

I wasn't thinking that I've gotten that big, but then I looked at a picture of when I was 23 weeks pregnant! Check out the difference!

psh, 23 weeks...my bump was tiny!

I can't believe the difference in 4 short weeks! But I love it. :) Okay, if I said I truly loved it, I'd be one of those bloggers who just tells the cheery side of things. But in all honesty, it's been rough. When I'm in control and not my eating disorder, I love my growing belly because it's clear evidence that I'm taking care of Hershey and that he's getting bigger - just like he's supposed to. But when ED takes control, I cry. A lot. And I stress about "getting fat" and "eating too much." And I worry about never losing the baby weight and how unless I get back to where I started when I got pregnant, I'll be a fat, hopeless person.

But then, once "Breanne" is back, I remember that where I was when I got pregnant wasn't a good place. It wasn't healthy, and it wasn't bringing me any true happiness. I look around at all these people I respect and admire - people who are losing weight, eating right, and looking great. And ED somehow creeps in and tells me I'm doing just the opposite and I'm on a road to keeping it that way.

I so often forget that what I face with an eating disorder isn't what others face. I can't compare where they are or what they're doing to myself. And likewise, I can't compare what other pregnant women are able to do to my own abilities during this pregnancy.

Alex sometimes finds me in tears, as I try to explain that I feel guilty and terrible for being so tired and for being able to to so much less than other women I've known who were/are pregnant. Alex has to remind me that they didn't start their pregnancies underweight and undernourished. What they can do - or even what they should do - isn't going to be the same for me. That's not to say I can do whatever I want; but comparing myself doesn't do any good.

On days like today, I can look at pictures of being 27 weeks pregnant or I can look down at my cute growing belly and feel just so happy. :) ED will not win and he won't have control over my life. Instead, I choose on being happy about where I'm at and where I'm going.